what friends are for

Assalamualaikum.

unlike last year, aku bikin recap untuk tahun 2010. tahun yang penuh kemanisan. semuanya adalah bunga dan rama-rama. flowers and butterflies. its a bit different this year. no matter how hard i tried to recall everything back throughout the year of 2011, it will always comes back to April.

it has been truly a tough year for me. almost like a year that i wish to never exist. teehee. tapi kalau fikiran aku sependek itu, akal aku secetek itu, maksudnya pengetahuan aku adalah limit ke atas urusan duniawi sematamata. setuju? hehe.

i think everybody knows that 2011 has witness the moment that i lost my baby girl. my first born. my beautiful daugter April Tanisha. yang ajaib sekali kerana sangat di cintai ramai walaupun belum pernah bertemu. hehe. ive been through a super tough months circa April to June to August until now. sampai aku pernah rasa aku mahu hilang saja terus. sebab hati aku sangat sakit. perkataan sabar dari orang orang tidak pernah putus. tapi aku sudah bosan dengar. sebab aku rasa sabar itu tipu. hikmah itu jauh. dan aku tidak mampu sabar. hati aku sakit. aku mahu cepat sampai ke jawapan/hikmah di atas segalanya.

itulah dia rasa aku. pertama kali rasa perasaan sebegitu sakit seumur hidup. lebih sakit dari rasa demam, migrain, sakit gigi, senggugut. sakit yang tidak terbendung. tiada ubat. tiada henti. siang malam. sakit yang buat aku rasa takut mengenang mati.

dulu. im a bubbly person . aku suka buat jokes dengan orang. aku bimbo. aku innocent. kawan kawan aku ramai. kami selalu ketawa dan buat bahan on almost every topic yang trending. after what happened, i started to change a little. aku jadi pendiam. aku sudah jadi seorang yang penyedih. aku tidak mahu mingle macam dulu lagi. aku mahu kurangkan ketawa.

after all that happened, i want to change. i want to be a better person. that is what i thought i want to do. but i was wrong. its not healthy that way. and so, i did not heal according to time.

i have stay that way until i stumbled upon an article in SOLUSI. it says Sabar itu membawa banyak maksud dan pengertian. Apabila seseorang itu di timpa musibah, sekiranya dia bersabar, ia tidak akan mengubah apa apa kebiasaan yang ada padanya. dari situ aku pun bermula semula sedikit demi sedikit. aku pun kembali ke circle kawan kawan yang dulu.

with the ‘condition’ that i have, i did not expect pun orang to understand me. remember. i am the most unstable things on earth kan. dan bukanlah juga alasan untuk aku minta perhatian lebih dari orang untuk jaga perasaan aku. no no never. cuma aku bersyukur ada kawan kawan yang mengerti ini. no matter what happens, she’ll always comes back to me like i’ll always comes back to her. im a human being. and so does her. i have my emotion goes up and down. i have my reckless action at times especially when im tired. i make mistakes whether i realize it or not. so does her. but we will always comes back to each other. i wont go neglecting her for days and months cause that is just too funny. hehe. maybe i love them enough to accept them the way they are.

at the end of the day, its only your best friend that understands you to the core that will stay with you. she may not have all of her time for you, but she always have your back when you need her. and most important is, she knows your flaws, she understand it, she bears with it and she did not care.

the other day aku bagitau Cinoi yang aku pernah tersinggung oleh dia. jadi dia tanya bila dan kenapa? aku cakap aku sudah nda ingat tapi adalah mesti seminggu sekali at least. lepas itu kami ketawa sebab tersinggung entah kenapa lepas tu ketawa ketawa pula bila di tegur. the point is, no matter what happened, i’ll always comes back to her. and so does she. cool kan macam neh? so 2011 does teach me something about friend ship. among lessons yang lain lain of course. that is also why aku request dengan husband to have a birthday party with the presence of my best friends. teehee.

gambar sekitar birthday party. cehhh. sebentar nanti untuk liputan lanjut. atau tipu. bukan sebentar nanti. minggu depan mungkin HAHAHAHA

anyhowwww, life must go on. and the bygones will always be bygones. what's important is to gain the lesson and knowledge behind everything that happened.

everything happened for a reason.

there is a silver lining in every cloud.

after rain, rainbow will appears.

also some of the things that i learned from 2011. with that THANK YOU, 2011. you are such a teacher!

 

HELLO, 2012.

 

ps; eh new friends, dont be scared if you find that im a hard to handle kinda girl. cause im not. and who says best friends must be the one that being friends with you since ten-twenty years ago?