Assalamualaikum.
recently, husband and i starts talking about having another baby in the near future. screw my fear, screw our financial stability, screw our own love nest yang belom siap siap, screw my unstoppable out stations. we want to have a baby. now.
sebenarnya, kami sudah start TTC-ing since early Feb. trying luck saja since I've been consuming Folic Acid for a month already. also sudah khatam Al-Quran. MasyaAllah I'm super overwhelmed. you must try it to believe it. despite my worries that i might be pregnant while I'm in the middle of my most busiest month with outstations, i just leave everything else in Allah’s hand. and when i’m on mid air, sambil tengok langit dan awan ciptaan Allah, i shall speak in my heart how i trust my Allah, therefore i shall trust his timing. He knows what's best for me.
and for the last few days, i started to create some hope in my heart. and so is husband. balikbalik lah mau tanya “umy sudah period belum?”. please not for that intention. we are really doing some calculation here. ngehehhehe. until i thought that I'm a bit late for my cycle this month and started to tell husband that there's chance that i might be pregnant. husband insisted to buy maternal milk during our groceries and I'm like freaking out for god sake cause nothing is confirm yet. yup. he’s like that. adorable as ever.
yesterday, my aunt flow came. I'm not pregnant. i was miscalculated my own cycle. it was right on track. I'm not late or what so ever. I'm just confused. too much calculations makes you confuse you knowww. hehehehe. of course it hurt a little. i’ve started to create hope din i? =))
but i notice that this urge to have babies always like membuak-buak whenever I'm around babies or pregnant mothers. siapa bah yang berkahwin with no intention of having ‘the’ combination of little you and little him? but it is really peer-pressure. seeing she’s having one, makes you wants one as well. human being it is. and when I'm alone with my husband, i feel content enough with what we have. no babies, its okay. its for now, its okay. you knew your Allah, it is really going to be okay.
there is also time that i did not asked Allah for a baby in my prayer anymore, just Hiss blessing and kindness is enough. am i really at peace now? some what funny but i hope i am. i wont be counting my hardship anymore cause my blessing is more than i can ever imagined.
sooo, since we are officially TTC-ing. pray a little for us will ya?
=))
8 in my shoes:
Eh..aku yg blm kawin ni pun mau baby, apa lg ko. Gud luck trying n hv fun ;)
Chii,
Mau tuh memang mau. But eventually things are not as easy as the wanting part. Hehehehe.
Ona,
Me too. Last time, after ninety-six days of not having period, bila datang the period it hurts, differently, unlike the usual one.
Lets try a bit harder.
and pray for another hope. As for me, i have to be like that..
Amin!! :)
Amin. InsyaAllah Ona :)kita cuba lagi next cycle sampai berjaya okey :)
eh download bah apps yg kira kitar haid tu, jd nda la salah kira, dia akan bgtau fertile bila, nah masa tu kamu 'berusahalah'! eh mau lagi di ajar.
Ona;
Lets try harder. I feel you babe, seeing newly-weds announcing their pregnancy buat aku gembira for them but feel sad for myself. keep asking 'why?' but then, ya macam kau cakap, kita harus yakin pada ketentuan Allah. Dia mungkin tidak bagi apa yang kita mahu, tapi bagi apa yang kita perlu, kan.
Kodop punya gaya, macam Bob juga. Kadang aku jadi kasihan kalau kami terlalu berharap tu. Tapi ada juga funny time, Ona.
I was late lebih 3 minggu tahu, the day husb paksa UPT, just after test done, time tu lah tiba-tiba aku period. Ahahaha
Know exactly how you feel Kak Ona! sya period lambat sehari pun sudah berharap macam-macam hehe tp xpa la, Allah saja yang tahu when the time is right :)
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